


And When I See You, Please Don't Disappear

by singtalian



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 20:45:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6872704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singtalian/pseuds/singtalian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Jungkook studying abroad in America, Jimin only has Snapchat to see him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And When I See You, Please Don't Disappear

Ten seconds at a time.

That's how long he can see him. And only as long as he updates. Luckily for Jimin, he leaves the timer at the longest setting. With the press of a button, ten seconds pass too quickly, but for Jimin it's an eternity. It's not even a profound ten seconds - it's a sample of singing, a glance of the sunset, but most importantly, it's Jungkook.

It's silly, Jimin thinks, the way he is constantly checking his phone for any new posts on a stupid app he hardly knows how to use. Taehyung convinced him to get it, mostly so he could send Jimin pictures and videos of the pranks he and Hoseok play on Yoongi. But in all honesty, it wasn't the constant whining and begging from Taehyung that persuaded Jimin to download it, but it was the small smile painted on Jungkook's lips when he turned around to show off his own account. It was the subtle excitement in his voice when he told Jimin how much he liked it.

"Hyung, it's really cool," Jungkook said. "I can take a photo or record a video and send it to you instantly! It will only last for a few seconds though," he added, cautious that it might dissuade the older. Although if Jungkook was excited about it, then nothing could convince Jimin otherwise.

"Well, I guess I can download it."

Taehyung had celebrated in the background with a victory dance - one of the fist pumping and jumping around variety. Never mind that he himself accomplished nothing. All that mattered was that Taehyung had one more set of eyes with which to share the glory of his genius pranks. It was a little over the top, but if nothing else, Jimin was thankful for the distraction because he might not have been able to contain his emotions otherwise. _Dammit, Jimin. Why is it so hard to resist anything Jungkook says or does?_

The maknae only beamed.

That was months ago though. The novelty of the app had already worn through its fad among the boys. They still used it, but Jimin stopped when he and Jungkook stopped snapping pics to each other directly. Jimin never was quite one for updating his own status, but Jungkook still uses his. The younger mostly treats it as a video blog, updating his account daily with all the things he was doing. He's always been like that, but Jimin never really bothered to check it back then. He didn't really feel like he needed to since Jungkook would send him everything he posted on there directly anyway. Plus, Jimin didn't really quite understand the concept of the "stories" either. But as their messages dwindled gradually, eventually ceasing altogether, Jimin had to figure it out.

It's not like Jimin can't message Jungkook - send him a selca or a picture of the ddeokbukki he and Hoseok were sharing or something. It's not like anything happened to damage their relationship. It's not like Jungkook would be _bothered_ , but somehow Jimin can't help but feel he'd be exactly that, and so he sends stuff to the younger very sparingly, if even at all.

In truth, Jimin falls trap to the read receipts every time, especially the past few times. Jimin would send a picture or a short clip of Seokjin hyung eating chicken, and Jungkook would open it - the app showed Jimin that much - but no reply would come. Hopelessly (and perhaps a bit desperately) Jimin would refresh his inbox, but to his dismay each time. It felt like an addiction that Jimin couldn't shake. Eventually a reply would come, but it would be hours later, and usually not in response to anything Jimin sent before. They were exchanging photos, but somehow it felt empty. And if Jungkook did address whatever Jimin sent him before, he would just do so via text, denying Jimin the privilege of seeing the younger's face or hearing his still-somewhat-childish voice. It was more disappointing than anything.

Jimin can't hold it against him though. The boy is studying abroad in America after all. Between the 14 hour time difference, the studying, and the sights and experiences Chicago had to offer, Jimin was sure Jungkook had more than enough on his plate. The last thing he needed was to worry about his clingy hyung.

So that's why Jimin relied on Jungkook's status updates. For Jungkook's convenience, but more so for his own sanity. _It's silly_ , Jimin thinks to himself again. Unwelcome tears poked the back of his eyes, swelling in the corners and catching on his eyelashes. Why did he have to miss Jungkook so much? _It's so fucking silly_ , Jimin berated himself now. Why does he have to care so much? Everyone else seems to be doing just fine. _Jungkook_ seems to be doing just fine. Jimin had no idea how to explain his feelings other than hot. He felt a burning sensation all throughout his body - behind his eyes, in his cheeks, and in his heart. It was like a fire inside, and if Jimin didn't do something to quell its flames, he'd soon find himself burnt to ashes in the middle of his living room floor.

With a turn so quick, the fringe of his hair whipped against his forehead, and Jimin stormed out the door, barely remembering to grab his keys on the way out. Not like it mattered; he wasn't going to lock the door anyway. For a split second, he'd spotted his jacket draped over the dining room chair, but he intentionally left it resting where it was. He wouldn't need it anyway.

It only took Jimin two minutes to realize just how wrong he was. To match Jimin's burning desire was his burning temper, which often led him to make rash decisions, i.e. leaving his jacket behind. As the crisp winter air stuck to his cheeks, he quickly realized that it was way more cold outside than he was hot inside. It was too late now though, so Jimin walked on, keeping a brisk pace to hopefully warm himself back up. A few more steps into the crunchy white snow though and Jimin accepted defeat, searching for the nearest convenience store. It's obvious he would need some help defrosting, and a piping hot cup of instant kimchi ramyun would do just the trick.

By the time Jimin found the nearest 7-Eleven, his whole body was shivering with frost. Through his chattering teeth, he cursed himself under his breath, hoping to god he wouldn't fall sick the next day. Jimin practically lurched toward the back of the store, snatching the nearest noodle cup off the shelf. He didn't even bother to check if it was the right flavor, but at this point, as long as it was hot, it would suffice. The red-haired boy fumbled with the plastic wrap for what seemed like forever. Numb, frozen fingers and the thin layer of clear wrap were the only things separating Jimin from the comforting warmth, and it frustrated him to no end. Finally he hooked the flap and tore the package open, removing the paper top so he could fill the cup with hot water. After all that he almost lost the cup too, accidentally splashing some of the hot water on his hand. Normally he has a high tolerance for that kind of thing, but not when his hand is cold glass that cracks from the touch of a few boiling drops. A small yelp escaped his lips as he presses the pain away with the thumb of his other hand. He's able to ignore the fact that it burns like hell though, instead taking solace in the fact that he managed to avoid knocking over his precious cup of ramyun, which in all honesty would have been much more tragic.

Even on a good day, Jimin wouldn't have the heat tolerance to endure a mouthful of scalding hot noodles, so the boy restlessly stares at the cup, hoping that he could will the steam away. Physics don't work like that, and Jimin knows it, so he sighs and pulls out his phone to help kill some time. Automatically his thumb gravitates to the social media app where Jungkook posts all his doings for the day. The clock on Jimin's phone reads 2:04 am, which means it's right about noon for Jungkook. It's still Saturday in America, so Jungkook must be out and about for the weekend, Jimin reasons. With a swipe left, his phone screen shifts from the camera to all his friends' updates. The list is never long because Jimin never added anyone outside of their friend group. Seokjin wasn't really one for the app, like Jimin, so he never updated. Namjoon and Yoongi only occasionally updated with music they were working on together. So more often than not, the only available updates were Hoseok's and Taehyung's, and they were usually of the exact same thing, since they did everything together, just filmed at a different angle. As per usual, it was a progression of updates of their devious antics, tonight the prank being making pancakes for Namjoon but replacing the syrup with olive oil. How Namjoon didn't notice was beyond Jimin, but he couldn't help but chuckle at Namjoon's disgusted face and Hoseok's and Taehyung's obnoxious yelling and laughter in the background.

When he returned to the stories screen, one from Jungkook popped up. Without warning, Jimin's heart jumped into his throat, and suddenly the inner heat was back, glowing on his face. It had been a couple days since Jungkook posted anything, probably because of a test he had - at least, that's what Jimin gathered from his late night photos of studying in the library with some classmates. He didn't know why he felt so nervous, but it was apparent by the slight tremble of his finger as it hovered above the screen. Before he could think about it any longer, Jimin found himself tapping Jungkook's name, initiating the update.

A video of Jungkook riding a bike began playing. Wind roared against his microphone as he pedaled, making it hard to hear, but the sound of Jungkook's voice was still apparent. He wasn't saying much; it was mostly him praising the scenery and calling back to his friends, which he angled the camera to show two guys and a girl riding bikes as well behind him. One of the guys waved, and in the corner of the screen, Jimin saw the squinty crescents of Jungkook's eyes - a product of the bright sun and Jungkook's blithe smile. Sunbeams bounced off Jungkook's soft brown hair, and as much as Jimin hated how cliche it seemed, it gleamed around him like a halo. The thought made Jimin want to gag a little. Surely he wasn't so far in _love_ that Jungkook was his _angel_ , but maybe -

He was back to the updates screen. Ten seconds had ended, just like that. This often happens; Jimin gets so wrapped up in his thoughts that he forgets about the timer. He forgets that Jungkook isn't there, that he can't see him forever, that he has to _disappear_. It's not like it's that dramatic, but it's depressing every time. When Jimin remembers he's watching Jungkook's public updates - that the younger wasn't directly speaking to him - he can't help but feel just a little deflated. Jimin sighs and goes back to his noodles, which have now cooled off enough so that they at least weren't blowing steam in his face anymore. As the smell wafted its way up, Jimin quickly realized he indeed did not grab the kimchi flavor but a pork flavor of sorts, which only added to his morose state. His irrational decision making disappointed him once again.

That didn't stop him from eating though, and the boy intently watched his screen for any more updates from Jungkook all the while shoving chopsticks-full of ramyun into his mouth. Luckily Jungkook was the type to share everything, updating his account every few minutes, which Jimin felt more than thankful for. Through each clip Jungkook updated, Jimin was able to paint of picture of his environment and feel like he was actually there with the friend he missed so much. In the next video, Jungkook had parked his bike recording himself talking about how cold it was. It was only then that Jimin noticed how bundled up Jungkook was - wearing a puffy red jacket with matching gloves. _Hey wait, those are my gloves,_ Jimin noticed upon inspecting further. _No wonder I couldn't find them._ He didn't mind though. It was like a part of him was with Jungkook, even if the younger didn't realize it. Or maybe he did?

At the end of ten seconds, another image flashed on the screen: a selfie of Jungkook with a snow filter applied, little snowflakes surrounding his head like a crown (as in, replacing the halo of light from earlier). He'd captioned his photo with a simple, "Forgot my hat" and crying emoji to accompany. Jimin laughed to himself because even halfway around the world, the two of them were in the same boat at the same time. At least Kookie is warmer than me, Jimin thought to himself, a small smirk tugging the corners of his lips.

Jungkook added just a couple more updates to his story, and Jimin watched them all in real time. As much as he wanted to be with him, just being able to hear Jungkook's voice lightened Jimin's heavy heart. _His English has gotten much better._ Each sparkle of Jungkook's eyes and pretty much every sound he made gave Jimin a sort of peace. Only when the last second of Jungkook's story played did Jimin remember he was sitting in a 7-Eleven in Seoul, far, far from Jungkook. The realization quickly sunk his ship, bringing Jimin back to cloudy feelings and an empty noodle cup. An empty noodle cup he needed to pay for, at that.

He rose to his feet, patting himself down for his wallet. _Shit_ , Jimin cursed. Of course he didn't have his wallet because of course it was in the jacket that he irresponsibly left sitting on the chair. The image of it taunted him in his head. If Jimin wasn't going to cry from missing Jungkook, he might just cry now. The store clerk had already noticed him too, not that Jimin could just dash off like that. As fully capable as he was, he was just too kind hearted to be able to stomach that kind of guilt. Even if it was only worth a couple thousand won or so, shoplifting is shoplifting. At least Taehyung wasn't here to tease or pressure him about it because lord knows he would. Out of options, Jimin reluctantly pulled up Seokjin's number from his contacts.

 _Ring, ring, ring_.

"Hello?"

"Hyung," Jimin said.

"Jimin? Do you know what time it is?"

"Um, yeah. It's... late."

"No kidding," Seokjin deadpanned. Though there was a lack of grogginess in his voice, which Jimin took as a good sign. He was hoping he didn't wake him from sleeping, but either way Seokjin was going to be the one he was going to call. "What do you need?"

"Can you... spot me?" he asked timidly.

"Spot you?"

"I'm at 7-Eleven down the street," Jimin explained. "I needed something to eat but I forgot my wallet at home. Please?"

There was a silence at the other end of the line. Something about Seokjin seemed intimidating sometimes. It wasn't anything he could explain, other than maybe because Seokjin was older than him, but so was Yoongi. Okay scratch that though, because Yoongi is scary to everyone. But really, there was just something about Seokjin that made Jimin scared to ask him for things. But at the same time, Seokjin was also the one he felt most comfortable going to. He knows Seokjin has offered to help him numerous times, each one as genuine as the last. Maybe it's because Seokjin seemed like a dad at times, which is also maybe why he felt intimidated. It's not too different from knowing how much his dad loves him and would do anything for him, but also came the feeling of being nervous to ever disappoint him. Seokjin was like that, yeah.

"I'll be right there," Seokjin replied, hanging up abruptly.

After about ten minutes, Seokjin arrived at the shop, handing Jimin a couple bills to pay the noodles. "I can't believe you dragged me out in the cold at like 3 am for two thousand won." 

Jimin's voice was so small he could barely manage an apology.

"It's fine," Seokjin assured him, obvious that something was bothering the younger boy and Seokjin may or may not be making it worse with his teasing. "I was hanging out with Junmyeon tonight anyway. I hadn't fallen asleep yet. What are you doing out here anyway?"

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Jimin wrestled with the idea of coming clean to Seokjin. His eyes flicked to the side and that's when he realized: Seokjin probably already knows. Seokjin knows everything.

"I miss Jungkook," Jimin admitted, his voice faltering.

"I know," Seokjin said. _Of course you do._ "Everyone knows. Except Jungkook." The words stung. It's true that Jimin hasn't been messaging him, but it was with the fear that he'd only be a burden. He was just trying to be considerate of how busy Jungkook must be. He doesn't have time to tend to Jimin on top of everything else he's probably doing. _Probably_ , because Jimin didn't actually know what exactly he was doing, outside of the snaps of course.

"You should text him," Seokjin advised, effectively bringing Jimin back from his thoughts. "Or snapchat, or whatever it is you kids do."

"Hyung, I want to but," Jimin stuttered. "He's just... He's just so busy, I mean, he doesn't have time for me."

"How would you know? Did he tell you that?"

"Well, no, but..."

Seokjin cut Jimin off, "Because from what I've heard, he misses you a lot too and is confused why you haven't been messaging him. Rumor is that he's afraid you're mad at him for leaving to America and has been afraid to message you because of it. But that's just what I heard."

"From who? Did Jungkook tell you that?"

"All I'm saying is that if I want to talk to my friends, I just talk to them. If they're my friend, they'll make time for me."

Jimin had no response to that other than standing there dumbly with a blank stare as Seokjin's words soaked in. "Text him," Seokjin commanded this time. "I'm going home now. As much as I love bailing you out, I need my beauty sleep. Don't stay out too late."

"Thanks, hyung," Jimin practically whispered as Seokjin turned to leave. The older nodded at him and made his way back to their apartment complex. Watching his hyung through the window, Jimin knew he was right, but that didn't make him any less nervous. On one hand, it was a relief to know Jungkook was thinking about him (at least, as far as rumors go), but Seokjin introduced a brand new factor he hadn't even considered - that Jungkook was worried too. Jimin had avoided messaging for fear of being a burden, but in the process, he'd burdened the younger anyway. Jimin drew a deep breath and held it in for a few seconds, walking toward the register to pay for his long-since eaten ramyun.

The cold air feels sharp against his skin as he exits the shop, and Jimin fiddles with his phone in his hand. He can already feel the ice sink its way into his bones, making his fingers clumsy on the touch screen. A light layer of fresh snow flutters from the sky and dusts Jimin's shoulders like powdered sugar. One reverberating shiver pulses throughout Jimin's entire body as he walks home, one foot in front of the other. Just as he's about to send Jungkook a photo, he notices the younger posted a new update. Without hesitation, Jimin presses it to find out what it is.

The wind is knocking against Jungkook's microphone again, but it's not so strident this time, making it easier to hear Jungkook's relatively soft voice. Jimin's watching another video, this time using the outer facing camera, so Jungkook isn't anywhere to be seen. The view overlooks a body of water, rays of sun shimmering on the blue waves. Jungkook's voice can be heard off camera. "Lake Michigan," he says, harshly pronouncing the "ch" sound. The microphone picks up another voice, belonging to someone American, Jimin gathers.

"It's Michigan!" he says, laughing.

"Oh sorry, sorry," Jungkook replies. After another "Waahh," at how beautiful the lake is, Jimin's eyes grow wide at what he hears next. "I wish Jimin hyung were here. He'd really love this." Jungkook says it so quietly, that Jimin wonders if he actually heard it or imagined it. In the midst of trying to piece himself back together, the video ends, disappearing and revealing the home screen once again. _Did Jungkook just say he misses me?_  

Jimin finally realizes he's stopped dead in his tracks, shoes sinking into the fresh snow. The shaking has finally caught up to him, and Jimin can't tell if it's from the cold or from the realization that he's been missing out on a lot this whole time. Distance should never be the reason Jimin is separated from his Kookie. _Wait, since when did Jungkook become "my Kookie"?_ It became obvious Jimin was in deep, but he shrugged his feelings aside for now. He could figure those out later. All he knew was that Jungkook wanted him, and he was damn sure he wanted Jungkook as well.

He didn't really know what to send, so he jutted out his lip, held his hand up to his face, palm facing the camera like he was waving, and snapped a quick selca. Satisfied, Jimin tapped the screen to add a caption.

"Hey," he typed. "You stole my gloves lol." Before he could change anything - especially his mind - Jimin pressed the send arrow. Waiting for the reply made Jimin more anxious than anything, so much so that he can't even bring himself to start walking back home. It was as if his feet were rooted in the ground, the snow neatly packing around them. Instead his eyes were glued to the screen, watching as the status of the message switched from unread to read. A few seconds later, Jimin received the long-awaited reply. Opening the message, Jungkook had sent a selca as well, wide-eyed and with a big, agape smile plastered on his face.

"JIMIN HYUNG!!!"

Jimin didn't realize how long he'd been standing in the snow, grinning at his phone like an idiot. He was smiling so big he felt the soreness in his cheeks. And then a second photo came in.

"I've missed you," Jungkook typed, pouty face accompanying.

Finally the warmth returned to Jimin. Instead of a burning fire though, it was more like a gentle hearth, the heat suffusing throughout Jimin's body and making his shivers subside. _I've missed you too, Jungkookie._


End file.
